A quick update...

I haven't posted in almost 2 months. A lot has happened since then. Obviously we found out we are having a boy!! We are so excited!! I don't think it's still really hit me yet that I am going to be a mom. All I keep thinking about is how my mom is about to be a grandma and my grandparents are about to be great grandparents. Maybe it won't hit me until I go into labor or get to bring him home. But I am super excited. I haven't had any of the typical fears that I hear about. I haven't let the horror stories get to me because my pregnancy has been different from what everyone tells me theirs was like. I try not to listen to the assumptions and biased statements. People still drive me crazy. I am having horrible midday energy crashes. I have to have chocolate or caramel every afternoon. I still can't drink milk past a certain point in the day. I am amazed at how active Jace is. He constantly moves and kicks me. I love the feeling. Tyler and my sister have been able to feel him as well. Mom hasn't been able to yet.

I'm still having a little bit of trouble with the thought of taking Jace to daycare. It's going to be a fear that I won't get rid of, I have a feeling. I want my baby with me all the time and to be able to cherish every moment of every day with him. I don't want to have to worry about what is going on with him during the day when I'm not there. Again, it's a fear that people won't understand unless they have gone through what Tyler and I have gone through...what Tyler has gone through. I am so happy for Tyler as well. He gets his "second chance." A chance to see a son of his grow up and to be able to enjoy life. Just to be able to get to that milestone of seeing him crawl and hearing him say "dada" and "I love you." He gets to experience all of the joys of parenthood now. He gets to see a piece of Carter in Jace.

It's going to be great!! 16 more weeks to go!! We are ready to meet you, Jace!!

Realistic & gut-wrenching fears

I've posted about this before and I probably will a million times more before and after the baby is born. I think all moms and moms-to-be have pretty much the same fears. However, we have one fear that a lot of moms don't have in their book... the loss of child. I know that people don't tell me or Tyler this, but I am sure they "get tired" of hearing about Carter and the situation. But it's part of our lives. It will only be part of our past in certain aspects. There will always be the fear that something will happen in the blink of an eye with the new baby. Nobody will ever seem good enough for our baby expect for Tyler and I. And that is something that I also think that every mom thinks. There are times that you have no idea what to do, but you still know better than anyone else.

I absolutely hate the fact that we are going to have to put the baby in daycare, but I do have some comfort in the fact that it is going to the daycare that I worked at and grew to love for 18 months. I have been reassured that the baby will be very well taken care of there. I would hope that this is for every child, but I want to think that because of what we have gone through, it will be even more of a "your child will definetely be taken care of."

Do I have the fear that someone is going to shake our baby, toss our baby, purposefully hurt our baby? No. But there are other fears with the baby being around other people.

I have a lot of praying to do about all of my fears. I have a lot of talking with Tyler through all of this too. I have a lot to talk and pray about.

Bare with me... <3

Updates...and such

It has been a while since I have updated the blog...sorry!! Things have been really busy. Most of you know that we are in the process of getting ready to move into our new house. This has been the biggest event that has led us to deciding to cancel the gender reveal party. Don't worry. I'm not that upset about it, because I know that we will be able to do something less stressful and creative to reveal the gender to our distant friends and family. The official date that we will find out the gender is Tuesday, September 11, 2012 at 8:30. We are beyond excited!!! That's when all of the fun really starts. We are already good into the swing of things as far as big ticket items that we need for the baby. We are only lacking a few things. We have really stayed on top of things, even the financial part of it.

As far as the sickness goes...well...it's slowly starting to get better. Week 15 has been good up until today. I haven't been to great today. I will take not feeling sick everyday, but I can say that this isn't something I will miss when it is all over. I would take sleepless nights over nausea any day. Trust me, I've already had both.

I have had many dreams about the gender of the baby so far. I actually had a dream that we decided to name the baby (if it is a girl), Lorainne. Completely different from our already firm decision on Ava. We are both leaning more towards thinking that it is going to be a girl; however, we still hold out a little bit of hope that we might see a tiny little thing on the sonogram. Don't let this statement confuse you into thinking that we will love it any less if it is a girl. I am just not going to be fake about it when people ask what I am hoping we will have. I have always wanted a boy first; even before I met Tyler that is what I wanted and how I always saw it going. It will be our pride and joy no matter what.

Getting to hear the heartbeat

I've been looking forward to today for a few weeks now. I couldn't wait to hear the heartbeat of our little baby. There are no words to accurately describe the feeling that I had when I got to hear it. Tyler heard it right before I did. Of course, he knew what it was supposed to sound like. I haven't been able to experience that yet. I am so glad that we both got to experience it this time together. I said that it sounded like traffic. Well...it did!! It was amazing!! He said that the baby and I were doing GREAT!! That was a relief to hear. He said if I was still getting good and sick then everything was going well.

He answered all of my questions that I had. Good news. I can drink my Pepsi now. As long as I don't drink a 6-pack a day. Haha. I don't normally do that anyway. I can also eat all the shrimp, fish, and clams that I want. Another relief. I love seafood. All I have to do is make sure that I don't eat it from the ocean. Basically, only farm grown. I don't eat beach fish anyway. My 20th birthday Gulf Shores trip ruined that. I also questioned him about my iron levels because my prenatals don't have iron in them. He said that I would be good for now; that pregnancy causes you to be slightly anemic anyway. But he said we'd check that at a future appointment.

I am overjoyed at this point. I still feel nauseous at this very moment, but he assured me that it would start to pass here in the next few weeks (I sure hope so!!). I have 2 more appointments until we will find out the sex of the baby. Only 8 more weeks!! Then we will start planning the gender reveal party!!

Feelings of fear

Here lately, I have had a million things going on in my mind. We are preparing for the baby the best that we can. We have our financial plan in place and that is a huge relief. We are still trying to figure out who we want to care for the baby when I go back to work. There is so much fear in us about people watching our only baby. If you haven't experienced what we have, you will never understand what this feeling is like. It is very scary to think that people that you would normally trust, could possibly hurt your baby. This brings up a lot of offense to others, but it's a reality that we have to face. When you have the life of your first child/step child taken away from you, it really makes you think about things you wouldn't normally consider. You never want to tell someone that you love that you don't trust them with your baby. There just isn't a delicate way to put it... or at least I can't think of one if there is. Needless to say, we are going to be very cautious and protective. Also, there is the fear that something unexpected would happen. I realize that we can't live our lives in fear, but tell that to someone who hasn't had to watch and experience what our family has. Carter taught us more than we realized in just a short 5 months. We are very thankful for that. We have a lot of pros and cons and situations to consider in the next 7 months. It's not going to be as easy as picking out bedding, furniture, etc. We pray that whatever decision that we make is going to be the right one for the baby.

Prayers...

Gender Reveal Party Planning

We have decided to theme the gender reveal party with Razorbacks. It fits perfectly with football season just kicking off. Decorations will be so simple. I have looked up some ideas of how to do some things, but if anyone has any ideas about decorations, games, party favors, reveal choices, etc, feel free to comment. We are so ready to find out what we are having and we are even more ready to announce it to everyone in such a fun way.

A Good Day!!

I needed a day like this. A day where everything was normal, and good. I didn't need it to be a special day, a special occasion. I just wanted a normal work day. A good day. I've been so incredibly nauseous for the past 4 weeks. Today I felt a little nauseous and some mild heartburn, but it was nothing compared to what I've grown accustomed to.

As I post this, I'm sitting outside where we have a nice breeze (ahhh, relief) and a fairly comfortable temperature. That in and of itself is relaxing.

I was able to eat dinner without feeling sick afterward. I feel a good nights sleep coming on. Lets pray for more days like this.