Realistic & gut-wrenching fears

I've posted about this before and I probably will a million times more before and after the baby is born. I think all moms and moms-to-be have pretty much the same fears. However, we have one fear that a lot of moms don't have in their book... the loss of child. I know that people don't tell me or Tyler this, but I am sure they "get tired" of hearing about Carter and the situation. But it's part of our lives. It will only be part of our past in certain aspects. There will always be the fear that something will happen in the blink of an eye with the new baby. Nobody will ever seem good enough for our baby expect for Tyler and I. And that is something that I also think that every mom thinks. There are times that you have no idea what to do, but you still know better than anyone else.

I absolutely hate the fact that we are going to have to put the baby in daycare, but I do have some comfort in the fact that it is going to the daycare that I worked at and grew to love for 18 months. I have been reassured that the baby will be very well taken care of there. I would hope that this is for every child, but I want to think that because of what we have gone through, it will be even more of a "your child will definetely be taken care of."

Do I have the fear that someone is going to shake our baby, toss our baby, purposefully hurt our baby? No. But there are other fears with the baby being around other people.

I have a lot of praying to do about all of my fears. I have a lot of talking with Tyler through all of this too. I have a lot to talk and pray about.

Bare with me... <3

Updates...and such

It has been a while since I have updated the blog...sorry!! Things have been really busy. Most of you know that we are in the process of getting ready to move into our new house. This has been the biggest event that has led us to deciding to cancel the gender reveal party. Don't worry. I'm not that upset about it, because I know that we will be able to do something less stressful and creative to reveal the gender to our distant friends and family. The official date that we will find out the gender is Tuesday, September 11, 2012 at 8:30. We are beyond excited!!! That's when all of the fun really starts. We are already good into the swing of things as far as big ticket items that we need for the baby. We are only lacking a few things. We have really stayed on top of things, even the financial part of it.

As far as the sickness goes...well...it's slowly starting to get better. Week 15 has been good up until today. I haven't been to great today. I will take not feeling sick everyday, but I can say that this isn't something I will miss when it is all over. I would take sleepless nights over nausea any day. Trust me, I've already had both.

I have had many dreams about the gender of the baby so far. I actually had a dream that we decided to name the baby (if it is a girl), Lorainne. Completely different from our already firm decision on Ava. We are both leaning more towards thinking that it is going to be a girl; however, we still hold out a little bit of hope that we might see a tiny little thing on the sonogram. Don't let this statement confuse you into thinking that we will love it any less if it is a girl. I am just not going to be fake about it when people ask what I am hoping we will have. I have always wanted a boy first; even before I met Tyler that is what I wanted and how I always saw it going. It will be our pride and joy no matter what.